Is adulthood a myth in which it distracts us from living the life we are in now? Where do we find adulthood and when do we get there? Is it a destination? Or is it a figment of our imaginations? Where does the idea come from that when we are an adult we will have achieved something that life is destined to be about?
Wikipedia says …”a legal adult is a person who has attained the age of majority and is therefore regarded as independent, self-sufficient, and responsible.”
It feels to me on so many levels in my life that as Wikipedia states, adulthood was supposed to have come to me already. That surely my life cannot get any more adult than it is right now. Dealing with accounts, bills, lawyers, financials, taxes, life matters and documents coming out of my ears. Organising a household and all the needs that come with that. Raising three kids and having full responsibility to keep them alive and turn them into their own wonderful human beings who I hope will add to the world and the people around them. Making decisions without needing the approval from anyone. Being able to make mistakes and the only one dishing out the punishment is life itself. If the boxes are ticked does that make me an adult? I suppose in theory it should right? But I do not think I have ever felt like an adult, more a kid playing house-house, mommy-mommy, shop-shop.
Is it possible that as we grow and mature as humans we see the adults around us seem cool, calm and collected? That they don’t show us their bad days or their daily worries or is it that they do but we choose to ignore the telltale signs. Perhaps we could consider being more transparent in our worlds and in our circles. I believe it to be equally important to show my kids my strength but also to let them in to see a little weakness, a few cracks and for them to realise that adulthood is not a destination but an inadequate frame of mind. Mind you it is not easy for me to show my weaknesses to my babies but I am taking small steps everyday to include them in where I am really at. Brené Brown says “talk about failures with apologising”. And with this I feel that we can teach our children that it is equally brave to know you are constantly learning how to live life.
Personally I feel that putting a label on any person no matter what age they are to be more ‘adult’ is actually a completely unattainable request. Perhaps we could help our children realise that being a grown up is physical, when your body matures, but the pressure of adulting and having your life figured out is hugely unlikely to occur…ever! And the sooner our children and the people around us know that we never have it figured out is when we win the war on this adulting destination.
For so many years in my life I have thought I will get there, one day I will look at my life and I will be able to say I made it, I did it! But in actual fact I am starting to think that is absolutely not accurate. And that is more OK than it sounds.
What if we just take a moment and release ourselves of that pressure of being a person who has achieved adulthood. Break away from the mould and just be ok with the fact that things do not flow smoothly but that we have the flexibility to work with the roughness of life. That no matter how much we plan and prepare life has the power to change any path we are on in a split second. So let go of the idea to adulthood.
Let us be ok with those great moments that happen between all the craziness. It is in our power and in our hands to hold onto the good we want and let go of the bad we don’t. And even if we have a power struggle on this daily that is ok, it is when we stop fighting to save our good moments that the fight has been won by negativity and pressure to have it all figured out because in my honest opinion, no one ever gets to the golden moment of “they made it”.